'tis the mother-fucking season!!!

I love Christmas.

• Christmas lights. We have them up, I want more but weather and time has not allowed. I will take the long way/back way/totally in the wrong direction way, home just to see lights. 

• Decorating the tree, even though I have to gather all the balls at the end of the day and put them back on the tree. The dog has discovered it is a great scratching post too, there's now a semi permanent bald patch. I even love the handmade decorations that are starting to gather on the tree, and the glitter, all. over. the. fucking. floor. 

• Working out gifts for people, that actually mean something, that cause all the feels and stuff. 

• Craft shit. I make stuff at Christmas time. I've made a Christmas tree for outside, hanging baubles for outside, gift tags, decorated cookies. I'm Martha Stuart this time of year. 

• Giving said gifts and seeing reactions. There's a few this year that I'm excited about, I think my mum is going to cry, that's my aim at least. 

• Seeing family, and the laughs, stupidity and joy that comes from it. 

• Food. Oh come on, seriously, Christmas is like a fat chicks dream. Roast meat, prawns, desserts, mmm desserts. Warm Christmas pud with ice cream and mums homemade custard. Trifle! I have never tasted a trifle as good as my mums, I kindly demand it every year. I AM the fat kid on cake at Christmas time.

• Overly excited, hyped up on chocolate for breakfast, surrounded in toys, KIDS! Christmas got so. much. better when I had kids. It takes it to a whole other level and I never tire of hearing "ooooooh LIGHTS!!!" in the car, even if it is just the traffic lights (bless her). 

• Wine, with breakfast. YES!

My name is Bree, and I am a No-Poo'er.

My hair is horrible. 

Fucking hot hey? RaWr! :/

I have psoriasis so bad that there are times I've scratched so much I dig holes and have blood running down my face. My scalp itches, it hurts, flakes and always has scabs (from said scratching). My roots are oily, the middle of the strands are dry and frizzy (think white woman afro), and the ends always look homeless person ratty. It's also curly, except for those bits on the side of my head that insist on being almost dead straight.

I wear a lot of black, imagine how great that looks on a bad hair day! I'm pretty sure my hair hated me too. When I washed, I'd end up pulling out handfuls of hair that had decided it hated me that fucking much it had to escape (only to clog the drain and freak out the kids). When I brushed, it was the same, a blanket of hair covering the brush, I'm surprised I've even got any damn hair left. 

I have spent so much money on hair shit over the years.
Shampoos, conditioners, treatments, oils, masks and scrubs.
I used to have it straightened often, made it much more manageable, but the flaky itchy scalp never fucking stopped.
It got to the point where I didn't care what I washed it with, I just grabbed whatever was close. Avon "argan oil" fancy shit (turns out I was paying for a bottle full of chemicals with a fucking sprinkle of the goodness of Argan oil); Head & Shoulders - I'll admit, the mint one does feel so nice on the scalp, but still I was left with flakes!; I usually ended up using the cheap-ass crap that smells like bubble gum, I figured it was a pointless game anyway.

Now, I don't wash at all.
I do, technically, but it's "no-poo". I didn't even know this shit existed until a friend posted something on Facebook. I figured I could try it, why not? (scroll down to the bottom of this blog for some definitions)

I'm currently using honey and aloe as a shampoo (still working on the mix, but I use more aloe than honey). The hard part was finding an aloe gel that was actually true aloe, no alcohol, no additives, no dye (FYI - aloe is CLEAR, it is NOT green!). Finally found 2 that qualify enough for me.
You use it on the ROOTS ONLY! (this is important, I know from personal experience). I use a cheap sauce bottle with a pointy nozzle to get it on the scalp. Massage the scalp well. Leave it sit while you wash, shave, do your best rendition of "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman", then rinse thoroughly. You may find you need to start rinsing with the water quite hot, the honey is stinky. Your ends are cleaned by the run off. Trust me! 

The first Aloe I used

The one I'm using now - better value for $$

My conditioner is Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) with water. There are so many opinions on the mix here, I use 50/50, it works well for me. I use a spray bottle, makes application much easier. Squeeze out as much water from your hair as you can, then start spraying, start at the roots. If you have longer hair, spray it all then clump it all on the top of your head and put on a shower cap, you want to leave it on the hair for a couple minutes and this stops it falling everywhere and the ACV mix running off. Rinse well.

Word of advice - ACV tastes like ass, and stings like a mother fucker, especially in your eyes and if you happen to snort it. It also stinks, a lot.
Plus side - while you're in there, spray your shower glass, then right before you get out, give it a wipe down with a damp cloth then rinse it off - voila clean glass. 

      

Left: sauce bottle honey/aloe mix;
Right: the ACV mix

Some like to follow with a herbal or tea rinse, I did the first 2 washes (chamomile tea), but my 3rd I couldn't be bothered. My hair didn't smell like vinegar when I didn't.
Different teas and herbs can do different things to your hair and scalp, it really is all a matter of trial and error, eventually you'll find something that works for you. This is a great go-to list.

Best I don't get these 2 confused! 

After wash #1 - NO ITCH ... NO FLAKES .... NO patches of dryness or scaly chunks!!!! I shit you not, ONE WASH of the honey and aloe!!! I was fucking shocked, it wasn't until day 6 that I got little patches on the hairline! My curls were AWOL though, still are when I brush it :( 

The fun part comes when your hair and scalp enter the "transition" phase. Your scalp goes nutsack crazy, produces sebum in epic quantities, and your hair turns into what can only be described as a fucking mess. Personally mine felt heavy, dry, waxy and looked so bad. 

Gorgeous hey? 

I invested in a Boar Bristle Brush (BBB), made from natural fibers, they take the sebum from the roots (where it's secreted) and spreads it down the shaft of the hair, yay for natures moisturiser! It also helps remove the excess. 4 days of brushing with said BBB and my hair looked like this ... 

BBB use, 4 days after wash #2

I've done #3 wash, but that's another blog post ;) 


~ I can bet that a couple of you giggled at "secreted" and "shaft" ... and that is why we are friends. 

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Some definitions for you - 

What's no-poo? 
Ingredients in their natural state. They haven't been messed with, or added to. Baking soda, natural honey, aloe, lemon juice, clay, coconut milk and juice. Things like oats, flour and tea blends also count. 

What's low-poo then?
These are commercial products you can buy at health food shops, some supermarkets, chemists and boutique stores, that are considered "clean" because they contain no sulphates, parabens, polymers (cones), and have non-sulphate detergents. Anything ending in -cone, -xane, -zane, or -conol is what you want to stay clear of. 

What is Sebum?
Not to be confused with semen. 
Sebum is the natural oil in your hair, this is good stuff. Most commercial shampoos strip your hair of sebum. 

What are silicone's?
Basically it's synthetic sebum. There are water soluble silicone's which, as the name says, wash out with water, and non-soluble which are the opposite, and will build up on the hair over time, blocking absorption of moisture, causing hair to become dry and brittle. They require detergents aka sulfates, to remove.
I found this blog here explains silicone's really well and this blog has a simple list of the good, bad and ugly silicone's. 

What are sulfates?
Detergent. Think engine degreaser, toilet cleaner, upholstery cleaner, and the majority of shampoos. Sulfate is fantastic at dissolving oils from your scalp and hair, and your car engine. Do you love how your shampoo lathers? You can thank sulfate for that. Dry scalp = irritated scalp = worsened dandruff, psoriasis and eczema. Lovely!!! 

Sometimes I wish .....

There are some days where I feel like I'm just not made out for this parenting gig. I'm constantly treading water and hoping today isn't the day my legs stop and I go under. Some days I'm like hell yeah, I've got this shit, I am the parenting master, then I get a cramp and I'm reminded that the only thing keeping us all from drowning, is my fat stumpy legs.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. 

I've recently started studying to get my Diploma, I still have my hobby business, I've got 2 kids, a dog, and a house that breeds mess. Eating and exercise is still a daily battle, I either eat too little, or too much, and exercise is definitely too little. 

I'm going to say it, there are time when I honestly wish I didn't have children.
Yes they are a blessing; yes I know there are people that badly want children but can't; I realise that I'm very lucky to have 2 healthy daughters; and yes, I know there are others that have it worse, but I also know that I am only human, and I can only take so much.

I wish I could say fuck it, I'm going to bed at midday; or eat nothing but cereal, baked beans on toast and bananas for a week and not be depriving anyone but myself of well balanced meals. I wish I could stay up till 3 am watching Orange Is The New Black and then not have to snort a line of coffee granules 4 hours later in order to function. I'd like to be able to take a shit without commentary or little hands wanting to help me wipe my ass. The ease of popping down to the shops, alone, when I'm out of milk (or want chocolate), especially when it's raining. Having passionate, loud, anywhere-in-the-house sex without fear of waking anyone, or having cold little hands suddenly touch your leg as you realise you're being watched. 

I know for a fact that I am not the only parent to think this. We all do. We all wish for what we can't, or don't have. 

I adore my 2 energy sucking tiny humans, and yeah, being a Mum has it's perks, but sometimes, I want to put them in a cupboard for a few days without it being illegal. But for now, I'm being called ..."I need help to wipe my bum, this one's messy .... ew Olivia get out .... MUUUUUUUUUUM" .......  

Fuck .... I'm nearly 30!

Popped down to the local Woolworths with the girls this afternoon, I picked a great time, end of the school day. We were surrounded with uniforms, BO, large backpacks, and headphones.
Looking at their young, wrinkle free faces, I thought to myself 
"wow, wasn't long ago I was the high school kid, thinking I was cool hanging out at the local shops"
....  13 years ago .... 13 fucking years ago I was in high school.
My adult life is now old enough to work (with parental permission) .... fuck, my adult life is old enough to have kids of it's own! Ok, I'm not advocating sex at 13 years old, and some girls were lucky enough to not have their period yet (bitches), but I've watched MTV, I know it happens. 

*sigh*
I feel so old, so out of touch.
My life is about wiping kids asses, animated movies, and negotiating food deals (she asks for sausages and pasta, I say there has to be vegetables, she settles for corn and peas, deal). Not to mention the phone bill, car registration, electricity bills, new tyres for the car, daycare fees, grocery shopping. 

I walk past clothing stores, and instead of thinking:
"omg, that skirt is so cute, like I love metallic zebra print, it's like, so classy you know? "
.... I think:
"omg, I have underwear bigger than that skirt, what is happening to fashion these days? How do parents let their kids wear that crap? My child will never wear that."
etc, blah blah, the mental ranting continues ......

I don't even know what kids are talking about these days. When I was in high school, we used to ride our bike to friends places, and call on the home phone (long curly cord was a must). I had a bedtime, and yes, my mum told me I had to be home by 5.30pm, or when the street lights came on, whichever first. In some ways, it feels like a whole other life time ago, yet in my head, it was only yesterday. 

I'm 30 years old this year. I'm vintage. 
I like to think that in another 10 years, I'll be the "cool" mum. Up with the times, in the know .....

...... I'm so not going to be that mum. I'll just be alone, categorising my Sci-fi memorabilia, probably still singing "let it go", and I'll definitely be wearing leggings as pants.  

Dawson's Creek!! Remember Dawson's Creek? ooh and Charmed, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (no fucking twinkling there!) ... ahhh nostalgia. 

Um, It's been a while .....

Please tell me I'm not alone in going all psycho with cleaning? 
It started with sweeping up the play-dough from around the dining table - it ended with me on all 4's cleaning the tile grout with a chux, then cleaning out the highchair with a toothpick ......... 
Seriously? 
Even Bear (the greyhound) stopped following and watching and retreated back to his soft bed and giant stuffed monkey friend. 

"Fuck this cleaning shit, I'm going to hug a monkey" 

Anyway, been a while since I blogged, and I apologise, I know I'm a slack fucker. 

What's been going on? The girls are little ferals who are crazy obsessed with Frozen ..... 

*not an official poster, but it should be!

But, it is kinda addictive, I mean, I dare you to blast "Let it Go" in the car, on the highway, and NOT sing along! With or without kids, it doesn't matter.

I got new ink. Technically a cover up of this squiggle shit I got WAY back in my uni days. The outline hurt like mother fucker, I was surrounded by 4 others getting (much larger) tattoos, and I'm there squirming and cursing like the sook I am. Love the result though! 

 

Thanks Robbie over at Sailor's Grave Tattoo

I tried some Pinterest craft shit .... failed .... 

The weather has cooled down, so Bear is wearing his jackets .... It's too cute, the dude is fucking handsome. 

And, I'm sick again, can't they just rip out my sinus'? 

My 2 cents. RIP Charlotte Dawson.

We all know I'm active on Instagram, and I have followed Charlotte Dawson from the day I joined. She has had her fair share of controversy over the years, she has had her opinions, and success. I didn't know her personally, only played witness to her life through social media like so many others. I saw the comments she received regarding her very public battle with mental illness. It made me sick to see people preying on her depression, telling her to end her life, telling her she is pathetic and useless. I don't understand how anyone believes they have the right to speak like that to another person! There is no excuse, there is no justification, it is abuse, and it is wrong. 

I have blogged about my personal struggle with depression in the past (in random posts, or to support a cause like R U OK? day). I have been open and honest about it. I don't make it a secret, I let it be known to those that matter, because, while it isn't WHO I am, it most definitely is a part of WHAT I am. 

I have suffered for years, I don't remember a time it wasn't part of my life. I have been praised for my strength and I have been picked up when I was down. I have had an amazing support network there for me when I need them, and yet I still fight the demons daily. 

I have also been bullied. Horribly. My weight, my hair, my name, and yes, my depression. I have had people prey on it, out of everything I am, everything I have said and done, they see my depression and focus in on it like a lion on a lame hog. I have been abused, ridiculed, lied to, laughed at, and treated like less of a person, simply because my brain is wired differently. 

It hurts, even when you do your best to ignore it, brush it off, tell yourself "they don't know me", and you stand tall, there is always a part of you sobbing, and repeating their words and actions, over and over. You can put on a mask around others, even with yourself for a little while, but the voice never goes away completely.

We are all guilty of saying mean things about others, I don't need to give examples, as you read this, I bet you can think of at least three right now. But there is a line, there is always a line where the mean comments, the quips and jokes, become abuse. The words you say go from little scratches that heal and are quickly forgotten, and become wounds that eat through a person. They are the words that have them crying themselves to sleep, or keeping them awake wishing that when they do finally fall asleep, they never wake up. 

Shame on you that prey and spit the words of hate, I pity you. 

RIP Charlotte Dawson. I am sorry that the world was so cruel to you, and I hope that the next life, heaven, or wonderland, whatever your beliefs, are kind and spectacular. 

Image: Charlotte Dawson/Instagram @mscharlotted

Image: Charlotte Dawson/Instagram @mscharlotted

Greetings

Hi fuckers. Yeah I've been AWOL, sorry. 

I've started seeing a new psychologist, his name is Simon. I like him, he is on the same wave length, and is a fellow Geek, so we're off to a good start. He is young, like, perfect match for my little sister young, but clearly had some life experience so isn't a total freshy. He worked in prisons for a bit, I'm totally jealous, the institution of prisons fascinates me, and I went to University with the idea of becoming a Forensic Psychologist and working in the prison system. Glad I didn't now, fucking bureaucracy.
Anyway, I digress. I mentioned I had a blog, but had slacked off and hadn't posted in ages. He asked me why, fucked if I know. Why did I stop? My life is boring and repetitive, but I do have an opinion, on almost anything, and I should be celebrating my ability to communicate and share said opinions. He agrees. I've always said blogging is therapeutic, so I'm back to it. 

My life hasn't changed much in the last few months. 

• Weight loss journey - over before it really started 
• Healthier eating - eh so, so, apart from Ben & Jerry's
• Relationships -
• Situation with Dear Ex has deteriorated, basically, my mother told me if I can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, so I'm not. 
• Boyfriend - he. is. awesome. Granted I get sick of his face, and need my me time, but my bitchiness usually doesn't last too long. I have to keep telling myself not to compare the 2 (Dear Ex and Dear bf), as they are 2 completely different people, and have different goals, values and beliefs. I will say that it is refreshing to be in a relationship where it feels equal, trusting, and fun!
• Girls - I love them with every fiber of my being. They complete me, and make me a better person. They frustrate the living shit out of me, and I adore daycare days, and love their smiling faces at 6am. 
• Friends - I love them too. Each friend has their own place and purpose in my life. Some fill areas that others can't; and I value each and every one of them.
• Molly - (the car) she needs some work, poor girl has some pretty decent wear and tear, a good deal of work, but it's ok, all under control. Mechanic was quite surprised she (and we) survived the 1000+ km holiday driving! 
• Bear - (the dog) he is awesome too. He still steals food when you turn your back, and raids the damn rubbish bin at any opportunity too. He really is the best choice I could have made. 

I have some simple goals for this year, nearly 3 months in I have yet to start the journey towards any of them, so I'm doing well ....... No really, I'm actually doing ok, could be worse, could be better. 

I also haven't said fuck enough this post ... 

Fuck you humidity, fuck you sideways with a veggie peeler, so fucking sick of my clothes sticking to me, and the smell of sweaty kids. Fuck. You.