Sometimes I wish .....

There are some days where I feel like I'm just not made out for this parenting gig. I'm constantly treading water and hoping today isn't the day my legs stop and I go under. Some days I'm like hell yeah, I've got this shit, I am the parenting master, then I get a cramp and I'm reminded that the only thing keeping us all from drowning, is my fat stumpy legs.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. 

I've recently started studying to get my Diploma, I still have my hobby business, I've got 2 kids, a dog, and a house that breeds mess. Eating and exercise is still a daily battle, I either eat too little, or too much, and exercise is definitely too little. 

I'm going to say it, there are time when I honestly wish I didn't have children.
Yes they are a blessing; yes I know there are people that badly want children but can't; I realise that I'm very lucky to have 2 healthy daughters; and yes, I know there are others that have it worse, but I also know that I am only human, and I can only take so much.

I wish I could say fuck it, I'm going to bed at midday; or eat nothing but cereal, baked beans on toast and bananas for a week and not be depriving anyone but myself of well balanced meals. I wish I could stay up till 3 am watching Orange Is The New Black and then not have to snort a line of coffee granules 4 hours later in order to function. I'd like to be able to take a shit without commentary or little hands wanting to help me wipe my ass. The ease of popping down to the shops, alone, when I'm out of milk (or want chocolate), especially when it's raining. Having passionate, loud, anywhere-in-the-house sex without fear of waking anyone, or having cold little hands suddenly touch your leg as you realise you're being watched. 

I know for a fact that I am not the only parent to think this. We all do. We all wish for what we can't, or don't have. 

I adore my 2 energy sucking tiny humans, and yeah, being a Mum has it's perks, but sometimes, I want to put them in a cupboard for a few days without it being illegal. But for now, I'm being called ..."I need help to wipe my bum, this one's messy .... ew Olivia get out .... MUUUUUUUUUUM" .......