I made a comment recently on a Facebook page
regarding finding a special someone, referring predominately to online, in singles groups on social media
and the like. I commented how it is easier for those that are more attractive; or for those that either
have no children or have people in their lives who are able to help out (shared care, family and friends etc).
Before you mark me as a sour cynic, stop to think
about it.
Those that are traditionally more attractive have more choice than
those that are less so.
Attractive people get spoken to more readily than those
that aren't, it’s literally in our human nature to seek out those we find
attractive.
Yes, I realise we all have different definitions of attractive; and
no, we don't all class looks as a high priority, however, it is the first thing
we consider. We see a person and our immediate thought, be it conscious or
subconscious, is to evaluate whether or not we are physically or sexually
attracted to them.
This attraction can change with time; as we get to know
someone, their attractiveness can increase or decrease, our hormones (females)
can affect this too, but that’s another story entirely.
Look back on an ex from
your past; at one point you were sexually and/or romantically attracted to them;
yet now your thoughts of them are different because of who you know they are,
or their actions towards you or others you know.
Those that have children at home and have shared
parenting; or family and friends who are close enough to help babysit; they
have the opportunity to go out on dates or to socialise outside of school hours
(when most people work). FIFO (fly in, fly out) or those with varied/long work hours are in much
the same situation. They both have to coordinate times, plan weeks in advance,
and hope that nothing comes up in the meantime that means plans have to be
rescheduled.
Chatting online is a great way to get to know
someone, but it can only go so far, it creates a vastly different environment to
face to face communication.
It is vital to have the opportunity to meet with
someone, get to know them face to face, it allows the relationship the chance
to progress.
We want to be wanted, to have the warm fuzzy
feelings that come from interaction with another person. The best way for that
is face to face, in person; be it in public or something more intimate. No, I’m
not referring to sex, I’m talking about communication, sharing interests and
values, laughter, sharing things that make you smile, and most of all, experiencing
the reactions from the other person. Being able to read body language, see a
smile and laughter and know it is genuine, innocent touch, hearing the tone and
emotion in their voice; none of which can be conveyed in text or video chat.
We all say that “for the right person” we will
wait, be patient, that it doesn’t matter if it is weeks before meeting. We all say
that, but the reality is, the more time that passes with no physical interaction
with someone, our interest in them wanes. Messages and phone calls only satisfy
part of the needs we have when we are seeking a relationship.
Our needs as humans are multifaceted, they are
emotional, mental, physical, sexual, and intellectual; they are unpredictable,
their individual demands are varied, and our overall happiness in any situation
depends on a complex balance of them all.
Some people we spark with are more patient than
others, some have more compassion or empathy and can understand that things can
take time. Others are less patient, but we have a stronger connection on other
levels. Some seem to be lovely, genuine people when you are chatting over text,
yet meet in person and your opinion changes completely. Sometimes the opposite
occurs, you find yourself frustrated by their text communication, yet face to
face, you find they are quite wonderful.
Having looks in your side does not grant you the personality to go with it, and
sometimes the people with all the time in the world are the ones with nothing
but their time to offer.
I'm not insulting either side here, it's simply the
way the pleasure seeking part of our brain works. We look for what excites
us, we look for attraction, we don’t want to sit by and watch the world happen
around us while we wait for someone to be available to meet us. We don’t want
chances to slip through our fingers either. We want to be proud of the person
we have on our arm, both metaphorically and literally, we all want our cake and
to eat it too.
We all want the same thing, but the truth of it is,
some people are in a much better position to get those things than others.
