I've been sitting on this rant
for a while now, writing and rewriting it in my head, wondering if I should
brave posting it in fear of upsetting people. Then I realised that by thinking
that, I was doing exactly the same thing I was upset about in the first place!
I'm
trying to work out when I started letting the actions and thoughts of others
get to me so damn much.
When did I start censoring myself, my thoughts and my feelings, so as to not cause myself to be alienated? When the fuck did I start bending and stretching myself around others so much that I don't even remember who I really am anymore?
You have a list of things you think are wrong with me, or that you don't like? That's sweet; I have my own list, and I'm pretty sure it could swallow yours whole.
You want to judge others, talk about them behind their back, break trust and use people?
Excellent, please feel free to teach your children those ways, and let me know how well they go in life.
If
you think it's ok to make others feel like less of a person, more fool you, I
don't even waste my time pitying you.
I am
a 30 year old woman; I am too old, too tired and too fucking good for
immaturity, competitiveness, or selfishness. I shouldn't have to censor myself
or go against my own nature, just because other people can't handle it. Welcome
to the real world people, suck it up.
For
the record, if you're reading this, and feel that pang of guilt in your chest,
and wonder if it's about you, it probably is, and no one is to blame but you.
Oh,
and, no, I won't fucking answer if you ask.
