My 2 cents. RIP Charlotte Dawson.

We all know I'm active on Instagram, and I have followed Charlotte Dawson from the day I joined. She has had her fair share of controversy over the years, she has had her opinions, and success. I didn't know her personally, only played witness to her life through social media like so many others. I saw the comments she received regarding her very public battle with mental illness. It made me sick to see people preying on her depression, telling her to end her life, telling her she is pathetic and useless. I don't understand how anyone believes they have the right to speak like that to another person! There is no excuse, there is no justification, it is abuse, and it is wrong. 

I have blogged about my personal struggle with depression in the past (in random posts, or to support a cause like R U OK? day). I have been open and honest about it. I don't make it a secret, I let it be known to those that matter, because, while it isn't WHO I am, it most definitely is a part of WHAT I am. 

I have suffered for years, I don't remember a time it wasn't part of my life. I have been praised for my strength and I have been picked up when I was down. I have had an amazing support network there for me when I need them, and yet I still fight the demons daily. 

I have also been bullied. Horribly. My weight, my hair, my name, and yes, my depression. I have had people prey on it, out of everything I am, everything I have said and done, they see my depression and focus in on it like a lion on a lame hog. I have been abused, ridiculed, lied to, laughed at, and treated like less of a person, simply because my brain is wired differently. 

It hurts, even when you do your best to ignore it, brush it off, tell yourself "they don't know me", and you stand tall, there is always a part of you sobbing, and repeating their words and actions, over and over. You can put on a mask around others, even with yourself for a little while, but the voice never goes away completely.

We are all guilty of saying mean things about others, I don't need to give examples, as you read this, I bet you can think of at least three right now. But there is a line, there is always a line where the mean comments, the quips and jokes, become abuse. The words you say go from little scratches that heal and are quickly forgotten, and become wounds that eat through a person. They are the words that have them crying themselves to sleep, or keeping them awake wishing that when they do finally fall asleep, they never wake up. 

Shame on you that prey and spit the words of hate, I pity you. 

RIP Charlotte Dawson. I am sorry that the world was so cruel to you, and I hope that the next life, heaven, or wonderland, whatever your beliefs, are kind and spectacular. 

Image: Charlotte Dawson/Instagram @mscharlotted

Image: Charlotte Dawson/Instagram @mscharlotted

Greetings

Hi fuckers. Yeah I've been AWOL, sorry. 

I've started seeing a new psychologist, his name is Simon. I like him, he is on the same wave length, and is a fellow Geek, so we're off to a good start. He is young, like, perfect match for my little sister young, but clearly had some life experience so isn't a total freshy. He worked in prisons for a bit, I'm totally jealous, the institution of prisons fascinates me, and I went to University with the idea of becoming a Forensic Psychologist and working in the prison system. Glad I didn't now, fucking bureaucracy.
Anyway, I digress. I mentioned I had a blog, but had slacked off and hadn't posted in ages. He asked me why, fucked if I know. Why did I stop? My life is boring and repetitive, but I do have an opinion, on almost anything, and I should be celebrating my ability to communicate and share said opinions. He agrees. I've always said blogging is therapeutic, so I'm back to it. 

My life hasn't changed much in the last few months. 

• Weight loss journey - over before it really started 
• Healthier eating - eh so, so, apart from Ben & Jerry's
• Relationships -
• Situation with Dear Ex has deteriorated, basically, my mother told me if I can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, so I'm not. 
• Boyfriend - he. is. awesome. Granted I get sick of his face, and need my me time, but my bitchiness usually doesn't last too long. I have to keep telling myself not to compare the 2 (Dear Ex and Dear bf), as they are 2 completely different people, and have different goals, values and beliefs. I will say that it is refreshing to be in a relationship where it feels equal, trusting, and fun!
• Girls - I love them with every fiber of my being. They complete me, and make me a better person. They frustrate the living shit out of me, and I adore daycare days, and love their smiling faces at 6am. 
• Friends - I love them too. Each friend has their own place and purpose in my life. Some fill areas that others can't; and I value each and every one of them.
• Molly - (the car) she needs some work, poor girl has some pretty decent wear and tear, a good deal of work, but it's ok, all under control. Mechanic was quite surprised she (and we) survived the 1000+ km holiday driving! 
• Bear - (the dog) he is awesome too. He still steals food when you turn your back, and raids the damn rubbish bin at any opportunity too. He really is the best choice I could have made. 

I have some simple goals for this year, nearly 3 months in I have yet to start the journey towards any of them, so I'm doing well ....... No really, I'm actually doing ok, could be worse, could be better. 

I also haven't said fuck enough this post ... 

Fuck you humidity, fuck you sideways with a veggie peeler, so fucking sick of my clothes sticking to me, and the smell of sweaty kids. Fuck. You.