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Ready for a random string of utter shit? As mentioned in previous blog, I have wine, quite a bit of it. I tend to think total shit when drinking, usually it's just me and the voices in my head that get to enjoy it, tonight though friends, I am going to share. I am working and have this open in the background to come back to. I design best under the influence, I think it wakes those parts of my brain that don't run on autopilot, probably why I'm much better in bed after alcohol, rawr! I do not apologise for those mental images, not one bit. 

I am THE BEST singer ...... when wearing noise cancelling headphones. 

When drinking, one should automatically and pain freely, have a catheter inserted so no drinking time is wasted by going to the toilet. This is especially the case for mothers who have had their pelvic muscles destroyed by their bundles of joy. 

I am very thankful for spell check, drunk or not. It even knows fuck, fucking, shit, piss, bitch, cnut, ass, fucktonne and mother fucker. 

Miss G is asleep, the Easter Bunny really should lay out the eggs and shiznizt before she gets too drunk to do so without either eating them or crushing them.

I have spent the last HOUR grumbling at photoshop because I couldn't find the "right" font for a design .... only to discover I haven't installed all of my fonts since the reformat ..... fucking idiot. 

Late night snack means I have chicken caught in my teeth. I need to pee too, wheres that fucking catheter? 

I just ate nail polish thanks to picking said chicken out of my teeth. 

I wish I had the money to dress like famous bigger women like Adele, Beth Ditto, that other chick who is really hot that my mate Tanya told me about once but for the drunkered life of me can't fucking remember. I'd also like their hair and make up crew ...... they'd need one big mother fucker of a truck. 

I love going on to youtube to watch adds and they get interrupted by music :/ 

Of all the things to get from my father, I get the ability to drink my weight in alcohol and still be able to stand!! Fuck this, 3 bottles of wine SHOULD have a woman more than a little tipsy, especially when they are mixed with antidepressant meds. Maybe I should start hitting the local pubs and having drinking competitions, the ex will watch the kids surely? I'll fill my gut with bread and pasta, take a giant dump, put on my best push up bra so the ladies are standing to full attention, then go make some money on my ability to drown alcohol and walk home without the aid of a taxi, a walking stick, or a police car!!!! Fuck, I'm so onto something here!! ....... or not. 

I hate hate hate hate the taste of toothpaste, like it makes me gag, but I also hate the post-drinking tooth fuzz, so it's one or the other ..... 

I need to pee .... 

I thought so so many things these last few hours, but was thinking so much I forgot to fucking type them. *sigh* I fail .... this is why I need a plug into my brain that I can tell to record when I have my "OMFG I'M A FuCKING GENIUS" thoughts that I believe MUST be recorded. Seriously some of the things I "write" in my head at 3am are nothing short of brilliant ... but I make the mistake of thinking "nah I don't need to roll over and get this down, I'll remember it" ... NO YOU FUCKING WON'T YOU FIRST CLASS DICKHEAD!!! 

Slugs have 4 noses and more teeth than a shark ....