Yup, hello.

"I might write a blog" I say, "give me something to do" I say. Problem is I have no idea what the fuck to write. Seriously, who wants to hear the insane ramblings of a single mum of 2 girls, a woman who suffers from depression and anxiety and who's last real holiday was their honeymoon almost 3 years ago? Oh and that marriage is over, so yeah, says a lot hey?

Ah well, ramblings it shall be.

As said, I'm a single mum of 2 girls, Miss G who is 3.5 years old and Miss O who is 7 months old. They are the most adorable, funny, intelligent and perfect children in the history of the universe. In reality they are just like their mum - stubborn, impatient, hilarious, sly, perceptive and just plain fucking awesome. Miss G is a redhead (ok technically strawberry blonde but personality wise she's a ranga) and tiny - the later she most definitely did not get from me.  Miss O is 7 months old, apart from liking the sound of her own baby blabbering and eating close to her own weight in food each day, there's not much to her, but give her time people, give her time.

Friends, if I were you I wouldn't hold high expectations of this blog. It will be random, it will be insanely fucking stupid, it will contain far too much swearing, blunt opinions and probably boring stories of funny shit my kids did or that I was too lazy to get off my large ass to get dental floss so used a strand of my own hair to remove the chicken caught in my back teeth. (What? Oh come on like I'm not the only one that has done it, seriously). I sometimes struggle to define that line between socially acceptable and too much information, anything goes folks.

Apparently I have a wicked sense of humour and people dig that shit (slight paraphrasing there, but one friend said it so must be true right?). I'm a bit of a geek, my mind lives in the gutter and I swear too much (if you can't already tell). I am loyal and can be stubborn as hell. I love good food, cold beer, good friends, music, reading, making people laugh, people watching, and learning new things. I love documentaries, sci-fi, zombies, I have a thing for English police/detective shows and period dramas. I suck donkey testicles when it comes to creative things like cake decorating, painting, drawing or making animals out of play dough.

I'm a curvy woman, and by that I mean I'm not a size 14, I mean my thighs rub together, my ass wobbles when I walk and I won't blow away in a strong wind. I've always been bigger, always been the fat chick. Some days I'm all like "yeah I'm fat, get over it, I'm awesome and don't need to conform to what society thinks a woman should be", girl power and all that shit; other days I hate myself, my body and the fact that I have zilch staying power when it comes to healthy eating and exercise. At the end of the day though, my dress size is one of the least important aspects of me as a person, friend and mum. I have people that love me despite it and perhaps even because of it, not to mention the fact that this body carried 2 kids, it created life and that's more than some people can say.

Now, I know that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and all that, but my thought process doesn't understand this, it will and often does, criticise people for doing the exact same thing it does itself. The exact. same. fucking. thing. So yeah you'll probably read some of it here, but you'll also read me admitting to the same stuff, after all it would be awfully hypocritical of me to point out these things in others yet not myself right? Mmmhmm exactly. 

It is here I leave you, mainly because I was sick of writing about me after the second paragraph, but also because I have to pretty up this blog and make it visually appealing and all that jazz. 

Ciao bitches. 

x