All the single peoples ......

I made a comment recently on a Facebook page regarding finding a special someone, referring predominately to online, in singles groups on social media and the like. I commented how it is easier for those that are more attractive; or for those that either have no children or have people in their lives who are able to help out (shared care, family and friends etc).

Before you mark me as a sour cynic, stop to think about it. 

Those that are traditionally more attractive have more choice than those that are less so. 

Attractive people get spoken to more readily than those that aren't, it’s literally in our human nature to seek out those we find attractive. 

Yes, I realise we all have different definitions of attractive; and no, we don't all class looks as a high priority, however, it is the first thing we consider. We see a person and our immediate thought, be it conscious or subconscious, is to evaluate whether or not we are physically or sexually attracted to them. 

This attraction can change with time; as we get to know someone, their attractiveness can increase or decrease, our hormones (females) can affect this too, but that’s another story entirely. 

Look back on an ex from your past; at one point you were sexually and/or romantically attracted to them; yet now your thoughts of them are different because of who you know they are, or their actions towards you or others you know.

Those that have children at home and have shared parenting; or family and friends who are close enough to help babysit; they have the opportunity to go out on dates or to socialise outside of school hours (when most people work). FIFO (fly in, fly out) or those with varied/long work hours are in much the same situation. They both have to coordinate times, plan weeks in advance, and hope that nothing comes up in the meantime that means plans have to be rescheduled.

Chatting online is a great way to get to know someone, but it can only go so far, it creates a vastly different environment to face to face communication. 

It is vital to have the opportunity to meet with someone, get to know them face to face, it allows the relationship the chance to progress.

We want to be wanted, to have the warm fuzzy feelings that come from interaction with another person. The best way for that is face to face, in person; be it in public or something more intimate. No, I’m not referring to sex, I’m talking about communication, sharing interests and values, laughter, sharing things that make you smile, and most of all, experiencing the reactions from the other person. Being able to read body language, see a smile and laughter and know it is genuine, innocent touch, hearing the tone and emotion in their voice; none of which can be conveyed in text or video chat.

We all say that “for the right person” we will wait, be patient, that it doesn’t matter if it is weeks before meeting. We all say that, but the reality is, the more time that passes with no physical interaction with someone, our interest in them wanes. Messages and phone calls only satisfy part of the needs we have when we are seeking a relationship.

Our needs as humans are multifaceted, they are emotional, mental, physical, sexual, and intellectual; they are unpredictable, their individual demands are varied, and our overall happiness in any situation depends on a complex balance of them all.

Some people we spark with are more patient than others, some have more compassion or empathy and can understand that things can take time. Others are less patient, but we have a stronger connection on other levels. Some seem to be lovely, genuine people when you are chatting over text, yet meet in person and your opinion changes completely. Sometimes the opposite occurs, you find yourself frustrated by their text communication, yet face to face, you find they are quite wonderful.

Having looks in your side does not grant you the personality to go with it, and sometimes the people with all the time in the world are the ones with nothing but their time to offer.

I'm not insulting either side here, it's simply the way the pleasure seeking part of our brain works. We look for what excites us, we look for attraction, we don’t want to sit by and watch the world happen around us while we wait for someone to be available to meet us. We don’t want chances to slip through our fingers either. We want to be proud of the person we have on our arm, both metaphorically and literally, we all want our cake and to eat it too.

We all want the same thing, but the truth of it is, some people are in a much better position to get those things than others.